Anni Lindroos: I Didn't Think Sexual Identity Matters If Skiing Career Advances – "It's Now Been Told"

Photo: Wilma Båsk / Yle

Skiing was a refuge for Anni Lindroos until it wasn't anymore. When everything collapsed in spring 2023, she had to not only deal with her burnout but also begin accepting herself.

Bright World Cup vests hang neatly above her bed, reminders of Anni Lindroos's best yet simultaneously toughest season as a skier.

– It's quite remarkable that they hang right there, Lindroos laughs.

The irony is stark. At the same time that Lindroos's World Cup dream was coming true, her sleep issues began.

Nights filled with worrying about training and competitions led to insomnia, which became a leading factor driving her burnout.

– I didn’t know how I would get through the days, says 23-year-old Lindroos.

Everything collapsed at once. Her body was exhausted, and her mind even more so. She felt a lot of self-hate and thought: How could I let this go this far?

At the same time, she struggled with her identity. Outside her safe bubble, among the people who were closest to her, she left her sexual orientation unspoken.

– I was afraid people would see me differently.

See Sportliv's mini-documentary about Anni Lindroos:

Sleepless Nights

When Sportliv meets Lindroos on a fresh winter morning at Vöyri's ski tracks, laughter echoes.

The atmosphere is light and relaxed as she skis forward alongside her skiing friends Julia Häger, Frida Häggkvistin, and Frida Achrén.

– Sometimes it would be better with a little less talking and more focus, remarks coach Matias Strandvall standing nearby.

He admits, however, that the relaxed atmosphere is a positive – there hasn't been such good vibes in years.

The 2021–2022 season started well, and in January, Anni Lindroos placed fourth in the SM free sprint in Imatra. However, the season ended abruptly in February due to illness. Frustration grew.

Up until then, Lindroos had been known as a smart trainer. She listened to her body, controlled her pace in intervals, and trained methodically. But after the heavy season's conclusion, everything changed.

I could no longer manage to be smart.

Her health studies, which she had started the previous year, were put on hold. Everything had to revolve around skiing.

Initially, the change worked, but gradually her body began to resist. The first warning sign appeared at the early season camp in Olos during the fall of 2022 – the first completely sleepless night.

She dismissed it as an isolated incident. Just days earlier, she had stood on the podium in the Finnish Cup. But soon one night turned into two, then three, and still more.

Despite this, she continued competing, even at the World Cup level.

Anni Lindroos suffered from severe sleep issues for over a year. At worst, she could go several nights without sleep. Photo: Wilma Båsk / Yle

High lactate levels during training were an undeniable sign that her body wasn’t functioning as it should. Lindroos ignored all the flashing red warning lights.

Coach Strandvall tried to rein her in, but Lindroos wouldn’t listen.

– I wasn’t an easy athlete to coach.

Eventually, the under-23 World Championships in Canada arrived. When Lindroos didn’t even finish her opening event, she finally realized something was seriously wrong.

Athlete Identity as a Shield

For Lindroos, sports have always been a natural part of her identity. Even in elementary school in Parainen, she stood out from the crowd and early on knew she wanted to be an athlete.

At first, she focused on football. But when her body couldn’t handle it, she turned her gaze to the ski tracks.

Defining herself through performance provided security. No one questioned anything but the results. As long as she performed well, everything else was insignificant.

In high school, the reasons she clung to the athlete's identity changed. Lindroos understood that her sexual orientation didn't conform to the norm.

Skiing became more than a sport – it became a shield.

– I thought if I became really good at skiing, it wouldn’t matter what my sexual orientation was.

As long as she performed well, she didn’t have to face her internal questions about who she actually was.

Living a Double Life Took Its Toll

Initially, complete openness felt natural, and she had no thoughts of hiding anything. However, as the reactions from her surroundings changed to become more distant, something changed too.

Homosexuality was never a secret, but it became easier not to talk about it.

– Not being open about it made me feel like I was living a double life.

Acceptance is a process. It should be easy, but it isn’t always. Society has progressed a lot, but traditional norms still live strong, Lindroos says.

And there were no role models in the skiing world for her to compare herself with.

– The sport is traditional, with traditional norms. It would have been easier for me if I had chosen something like football, where more people have been open regarding this.

Lindroos feared that people would start to see her differently if they knew she belonged to a sexual minority.

It’s a big part of me, but it’s not all of me. I’m still the same person, regardless of my sexual orientation.

It’s exhausting to hide such a significant part of oneself. At the same time, she was able to overlook it, as long as skiing was going well.

When everything collapsed in spring 2023, she lost the safe haven she had built. Everything she had pushed away for many years caught up with her.

– I hadn’t really dealt with anything for all these years.

"Coming Out Shouldn’t Be a Big Deal"

At Vöyri's ski stadium, the laughter proves that things have turned for the better. Anni Lindroos feels better now.

She feels balanced, and this has also reflected in her skiing performances.

This week, she has returned to the World Cup tracks, proudly wearing the Finnish colors in both Tallinn and Lahti. The World Cup competitions were her first in over two years since the collapse.

A crucial step towards better was her move from Vöyri to Vaasa. In Vaasa, she can create a healthier balance between skiing, studying, and social life.

It may not have been the best choice for skiing, but it was the best choice for me.

Lindroos sought professional help and started using sleep medications and later visiting a sleep coach. Nowadays, she sleeps better, and above all, the threshold to seek help when necessary is lower.

Openness has played a crucial role in her upward journey. She has learned that the heaviest feelings are easier to carry when shared. At the same time, she still experiences frustration.

– I don’t believe anyone should have to come out at all; it shouldn’t be a big deal. But at the same time, it feels relieving now that it has been told.

Support from friends, family, and coaches has been invaluable. The biggest change, however, has occurred within her.

– I have learned to accept myself.